#38 MISSOURI - Morning at the Museum

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food.

                         - Erma Bombeck              

We had the longest one day drive of the Midwest trip ahead of us, 460 miles from Columbia, Missouri to Lexington, Kentucky. I needed to find a Missouri breakfast place not too far along I-70 from Columbia, where we had spent the night. Given the length of the drive, I also didn't want to wander too far off the interstate. There were not a lot of possibilities. In fact, there was only one possibility. 

Marlene's Restaurant in Williamsburg was about 35 miles east of Columbia and no more than a half mile from Exit 161 of the Highway of Billboard Hell (I-70). Marlene's had an additional appeal besides its location. On the Midwest trip so far, we had breakfast at places named Grumpy's, Jerry's, Otto's, Kenny's, Joe's, and Mel's. It was about time we ate breakfast at a place named for a woman.


Marlene's Restaurant
Williamsburg, Missouri

AMBIENCE:   We saw a "Marlene's Restauarant" sign from the road as we were approaching the building.  Once we turned into the parking lot in front of the building the name had changed to "Crane's Museum & Shoppes". So we were a little confused until we saw the much smaller sign hanging on a front porch post which read "Marlene's Restaurant".  It turned out that the restaurant shares the front half of the building with a retail shop that sells crafts, bric-a-brac, and other miscellaneous stuff you might give your grandmother for Christmas. The back of the building is where a 4,000 sq. ft. museum can be found. It all has the same owner. Joe and Marlene Crane opened the restaurant/museum/store in 2004. Joe Crane was descended from homesteaders that settled in the area in 1828. Marlene passed away in 2015 and Joe died the following year. Their son David now runs the operation.

The front porch had a colorful lineup of empty steel chairs. It was a cool morning but I imagined it was a nice place to sit while consuming an ice cream cone on a warm summer evening.

You walk through the front door and directly into the dining area which is quite attractive with a large brick fire place, a high wooden ceiling, muted lighting, and plenty of wood trim. You immediately sense that you have traveled back a few decades to a simpler time. The retro table with the formica tops and the chairs done up in red vinyl are straight out of the 1950s. A TV on the wall was showing an episode of "Perry Mason". Yes, there was attorney Mason foiling DA Hamilton Burger once again. Standing by the wall was a Coca-Cola machine with the vertical glass door you opened and pulled a bottle from its slot. Cabinets containing kitschy gadgets and figurines from the 1950s and earlier lined the wall.

I was curious about the museum in the back so while our breakfasts were being prepared, I wandered  to the back where I was met by Grandmother Crane.

The Smithsonian has artifacts neatly displayed and described; Crane's museum has "stuff" crammed into whatever space exists with little or no explanation as to what it might be. The amount and variety of "stuff" is both mind boggling and fascinating. It ranges from a doctor's buggy pulled by a full size draft horse made of paper mache to the molar of a mastodon to everything in between. Four generations of Cranes must have never thrown anything out and Joe Crane put it all in one big room. I read that Joe Crane was also an auction addict, traveling far afield to purchase "stuff" at auctions, hauling it home, and sticking it in various rooms of the Crane's house. After it got to be too much, Marlene gave him an ultimatum to get it all out of the house, so he built the museum for his "stuff" as well as a restaurant for Marlene.

Back in the dining room, the food had arrived and we began to eat. A couple of other small tables were occupied as well as a large table with nine mostly hefty, mostly elderly gentlemen all wearing trucker caps that had seen better days. At each end of the table was a two gallon thermos of coffee. They were having a grand time talking, laughing, and drinking coffee. They seemed to be in no hurry to get anywhere on this Tuesday morning. Was this the Williamsburg leisure class? Or maybe it was a cult meeting of guys who drive big red trucks.

 5 out of 5 stars 

FOOD:  I asked for two biscuits and gravy. Marlene's website stated the restaurant is "known far and wide for our homemade biscuits".  Another website stated that "the homemade biscuits and gravy on the menu are highly sought after by local breakfast fans".  That description made the dish sound like something scarce and difficult to obtain like a 1945 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild wine.  At $6.99, how could I order anything else?  

I started to form the sentence, "this looks just like..." but saw that The Healthy One had already read my mind and she cut me off by saying "just keep it to yourself". I will say, it tasted a lot better than it looked. The biscuits, though not as flaky as classic biscuits, were very tasty. The sausage gravy contained nice size chunks of porcine goodness. The gravy was not too salty or peppery. It had just the right amount of seasoning. All in all, an outstanding dish.

The Healthy One was once again thwarted by a menu that had nothing healthy. Instead of storming out of the place in a fit of fruit and grain frustration, she settled for a breakfast sandwich of bacon and egg on a biscuit. She liked it.

At the corner of the counter was a refrigerated glass case that contained six large containers of hand dipped ice cream from Central Dairy Ice Cream. The flavors were seductive. I had read an article about a scientific Japanese study that found eating ice cream for breakfast makes you smarter:
 http://www.ibtimes.com/eating-ice-cream-breakfast-may-improve-mental-performance-alertness-study-says-2450646

The study was debunked but I have a niece and a couple of nephews who traditionally eat large bowls of ice cream for breakfast on the Fourth of July (and possibly other mornings) and they're pretty smart. Anyways, I don't think I need to get any smarter at this stage of life, just quicker. So I passed on the ice cream.

4 1/2 out of 5 stars

    

COFFEE:  The coffee was decent, especially given that it was 99 cents.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars

SERVICE:  The service was perfunctory. Our waitress seemed tired or depressed or both. Not that she botched anything, or was rude, or indifferent, it's just that I like a little cheer in the morning. She made sure our coffee cups were always filled so there was that.

 3 1/2 out of 5 stars

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A FEW WORDS ABOUT WILLIAMSBURG:

Williamsburg is an unincorporated town with 50 residents.  It's claim to fame is that it was a town where settlers could stop and refresh themselves and their animals on their way west along the Boone's Lick Trail. The trail was named for the Daniel Boone family and a salt spring which Daniel's sons used to process salt. Beginning in the late 1810s, the Boone's Lick Trail provided a route for settlers to move westward through Missouri and link up with the Santa Fe, Oregon, and California trails.


BURN THOSE BREAKFAST CALORIES OFF:

The day before our breakfast at Marlene's we hiked along the Katy Trail out of Boonville, Missouri. At 237.7 miles, the Katy Trail ranks as the country's longest developed rails-to-trails bicycle/pedestrian way. We walked about 5 of the 237.7 miles, part of which crossed the Missouri River. We have now crossed the Missouri River on foot six times. Add that to the nine times we crossed the river by car and I think we qualify for honorary membership in the Lewis and Clark Explorers Club.

When we arrived in Columbia we toured the campus of the University of Missouri. We also walked from our Airbnb to dinner at the fabulous Flat Branch Pub and Brewing. It was a very loud restaurant but at that point we were too tired to talk. That day, our walks totaled 10 miles, which in my mind, created a pretty big calorie deficit. I felt no guilt eating the huge pile of biscuits and gravy the next morning.

After our Missouri breakfast, we drove to Lexington, KY where we did an extensive walk through the downtown area and the University of Kentucky campus.

       October 17, 2017

NEXT UP: KENTUCKY