#38 MISSOURI - Morning at the Museum

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food.

                         - Erma Bombeck              

We had the longest one day drive of the Midwest trip ahead of us, 460 miles from Columbia, Missouri to Lexington, Kentucky. I needed to find a Missouri breakfast place not too far along I-70 from Columbia, where we had spent the night. Given the length of the drive, I also didn't want to wander too far off the interstate. There were not a lot of possibilities. In fact, there was only one possibility. 

Marlene's Restaurant in Williamsburg was about 35 miles east of Columbia and no more than a half mile from Exit 161 of the Highway of Billboard Hell (I-70). Marlene's had an additional appeal besides its location. On the Midwest trip so far, we had breakfast at places named Grumpy's, Jerry's, Otto's, Kenny's, Joe's, and Mel's. It was about time we ate breakfast at a place named for a woman.


Marlene's Restaurant
Williamsburg, Missouri

AMBIENCE:   We saw a "Marlene's Restauarant" sign from the road as we were approaching the building.  Once we turned into the parking lot in front of the building the name had changed to "Crane's Museum & Shoppes". So we were a little confused until we saw the much smaller sign hanging on a front porch post which read "Marlene's Restaurant".  It turned out that the restaurant shares the front half of the building with a retail shop that sells crafts, bric-a-brac, and other miscellaneous stuff you might give your grandmother for Christmas. The back of the building is where a 4,000 sq. ft. museum can be found. It all has the same owner. Joe and Marlene Crane opened the restaurant/museum/store in 2004. Joe Crane was descended from homesteaders that settled in the area in 1828. Marlene passed away in 2015 and Joe died the following year. Their son David now runs the operation.

The front porch had a colorful lineup of empty steel chairs. It was a cool morning but I imagined it was a nice place to sit while consuming an ice cream cone on a warm summer evening.

You walk through the front door and directly into the dining area which is quite attractive with a large brick fire place, a high wooden ceiling, muted lighting, and plenty of wood trim. You immediately sense that you have traveled back a few decades to a simpler time. The retro table with the formica tops and the chairs done up in red vinyl are straight out of the 1950s. A TV on the wall was showing an episode of "Perry Mason". Yes, there was attorney Mason foiling DA Hamilton Burger once again. Standing by the wall was a Coca-Cola machine with the vertical glass door you opened and pulled a bottle from its slot. Cabinets containing kitschy gadgets and figurines from the 1950s and earlier lined the wall.

I was curious about the museum in the back so while our breakfasts were being prepared, I wandered  to the back where I was met by Grandmother Crane.

The Smithsonian has artifacts neatly displayed and described; Crane's museum has "stuff" crammed into whatever space exists with little or no explanation as to what it might be. The amount and variety of "stuff" is both mind boggling and fascinating. It ranges from a doctor's buggy pulled by a full size draft horse made of paper mache to the molar of a mastodon to everything in between. Four generations of Cranes must have never thrown anything out and Joe Crane put it all in one big room. I read that Joe Crane was also an auction addict, traveling far afield to purchase "stuff" at auctions, hauling it home, and sticking it in various rooms of the Crane's house. After it got to be too much, Marlene gave him an ultimatum to get it all out of the house, so he built the museum for his "stuff" as well as a restaurant for Marlene.

Back in the dining room, the food had arrived and we began to eat. A couple of other small tables were occupied as well as a large table with nine mostly hefty, mostly elderly gentlemen all wearing trucker caps that had seen better days. At each end of the table was a two gallon thermos of coffee. They were having a grand time talking, laughing, and drinking coffee. They seemed to be in no hurry to get anywhere on this Tuesday morning. Was this the Williamsburg leisure class? Or maybe it was a cult meeting of guys who drive big red trucks.

 5 out of 5 stars 

FOOD:  I asked for two biscuits and gravy. Marlene's website stated the restaurant is "known far and wide for our homemade biscuits".  Another website stated that "the homemade biscuits and gravy on the menu are highly sought after by local breakfast fans".  That description made the dish sound like something scarce and difficult to obtain like a 1945 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild wine.  At $6.99, how could I order anything else?  

I started to form the sentence, "this looks just like..." but saw that The Healthy One had already read my mind and she cut me off by saying "just keep it to yourself". I will say, it tasted a lot better than it looked. The biscuits, though not as flaky as classic biscuits, were very tasty. The sausage gravy contained nice size chunks of porcine goodness. The gravy was not too salty or peppery. It had just the right amount of seasoning. All in all, an outstanding dish.

The Healthy One was once again thwarted by a menu that had nothing healthy. Instead of storming out of the place in a fit of fruit and grain frustration, she settled for a breakfast sandwich of bacon and egg on a biscuit. She liked it.

At the corner of the counter was a refrigerated glass case that contained six large containers of hand dipped ice cream from Central Dairy Ice Cream. The flavors were seductive. I had read an article about a scientific Japanese study that found eating ice cream for breakfast makes you smarter:
 http://www.ibtimes.com/eating-ice-cream-breakfast-may-improve-mental-performance-alertness-study-says-2450646

The study was debunked but I have a niece and a couple of nephews who traditionally eat large bowls of ice cream for breakfast on the Fourth of July (and possibly other mornings) and they're pretty smart. Anyways, I don't think I need to get any smarter at this stage of life, just quicker. So I passed on the ice cream.

4 1/2 out of 5 stars

    

COFFEE:  The coffee was decent, especially given that it was 99 cents.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars

SERVICE:  The service was perfunctory. Our waitress seemed tired or depressed or both. Not that she botched anything, or was rude, or indifferent, it's just that I like a little cheer in the morning. She made sure our coffee cups were always filled so there was that.

 3 1/2 out of 5 stars

.

A FEW WORDS ABOUT WILLIAMSBURG:

Williamsburg is an unincorporated town with 50 residents.  It's claim to fame is that it was a town where settlers could stop and refresh themselves and their animals on their way west along the Boone's Lick Trail. The trail was named for the Daniel Boone family and a salt spring which Daniel's sons used to process salt. Beginning in the late 1810s, the Boone's Lick Trail provided a route for settlers to move westward through Missouri and link up with the Santa Fe, Oregon, and California trails.


BURN THOSE BREAKFAST CALORIES OFF:

The day before our breakfast at Marlene's we hiked along the Katy Trail out of Boonville, Missouri. At 237.7 miles, the Katy Trail ranks as the country's longest developed rails-to-trails bicycle/pedestrian way. We walked about 5 of the 237.7 miles, part of which crossed the Missouri River. We have now crossed the Missouri River on foot six times. Add that to the nine times we crossed the river by car and I think we qualify for honorary membership in the Lewis and Clark Explorers Club.

When we arrived in Columbia we toured the campus of the University of Missouri. We also walked from our Airbnb to dinner at the fabulous Flat Branch Pub and Brewing. It was a very loud restaurant but at that point we were too tired to talk. That day, our walks totaled 10 miles, which in my mind, created a pretty big calorie deficit. I felt no guilt eating the huge pile of biscuits and gravy the next morning.

After our Missouri breakfast, we drove to Lexington, KY where we did an extensive walk through the downtown area and the University of Kentucky campus.

       October 17, 2017

NEXT UP: KENTUCKY

#37 KANSAS - Delicious With A Capital D

I'm on a roll just like a pool ball, baby
I'm going to be there at the roll call maybe
At the Depot

              - from the song Depot, Depot
                written and performed by Tom Waits


We had a nice respite from hotels and airbnbs by staying a couple of nights just south of Kansas City, KS with our friends, the lovely Ms. Jane and the worldly Mr. Bruce. On a Sunday morning I talked Mr. Bruce into driving all of us to Leavenworth, the first incorporated city in the Kansas Territory. I had heard and read very positive reports about a two year old restaurant in town serving breakfast.  


The depot
Leavenworth, Kansas

AMBIENCE:  The depot is a restored train station originally built in 1887. The Romanesque-style sandstone building was constructed by the Leavenworth, Northern, & Southern Railway which was a subdivision of the Atchison, Topeka, and Santa Fe. Passenger trains stopped here until the 1930s and then the station accommodated freight operations up until 1982. The building was bought from the Santa Fe Railroad and became a restaurant called the Santa Fe Depot Diner. That restaurant in turn was bought by the current owners, went through an extensive renovation, and opened in 2015 as The depot. I'm not quite sure why the owners did not capitalize the "d" in depot. Perhaps its due to some legal trademark reason to differentiate the restaurant from the previous diner's name or perhaps it is simply artistic flair.

We arrived on a Sunday morning before the church crowds let out. Still, the place was busy and mostly filled to capacity. You enter the building into a long hallway flanked on each side by some of the benches passengers sat on while awaiting their train. The restaurant is divided into a number of separate rooms. Back in time, the male passengers would await the train in one room and women passengers in another room.

Much to the relief of Mr. Bruce and I, the four of us were escorted into the Men's Waiting Room. Our fragile egos probably would not have been able to handle being placed in the Women's Waiting Room. The room gave some sense of what it was like being here more than 125 years ago. You could almost picture a nattily dressed man with a top hat standing by the window, satchel by his side, smoking a cigar, while pulling out his pocket watch from his vest to check the lateness of the train. The floor was wood and looked original. The ceiling was very high.  A large transom over long vertical windows held amber colored squares of glass. The tables and chairs were solid wood, similar to Mission style furniture. A Victorian era chandelier hung above us. The walls were tastefully decorated with old photographs of trains and Leavenworth street scenes.

The room was mostly filled with diners but the tables were nicely spaced apart and the noise level tolerable enough to carry on a conversation. 

 5 out of 5 stars 

FOOD:  We received our coffees almost immediately and shortly thereafter four donut muffins showed up at the table. Nice! My dining companions immediately gave notice so there was no opportunity to sneak the plate under the table onto my lap. Eating one of these was a tease, almost like eating one Dorito. I suppose that was the point. They were available as a menu extra with a half dozen costing three dollars. 

It was time to order and one item jumped out from the menu at me, "Traditional Eggs Benedict". "Traditional" is what I had in mind yesterday morning when I ordered a "Country Eggs Benedict".  What I got yesterday was about as traditional as rap music. The menu described this dish as ham, poached eggs, and hollandaise on top of a grilled English muffin. That is what I wanted.   

The dish was a masterpiece. The Hollandaise sauce was the work of the devil. It was so sinful and decadent, I couldn't stop grinning between bites. It had just the right amount of lemon to give the rich, buttery, molten elixer some tang. The poached eggs were appropriately runny  The ham had a nice smoked taste and the English muffin was the beneficiary of all that seeped down from above. The crisp hash browns weren't bad either.

Mr. Bruce ordered "The Gringo" omelet filled with chorizo, cheddar, salsa , peppers, and onions. Ms. Jane also went the omelet route and ordered "The Western" with aged cheddar, ham, onions, and peppers. She also asked for a small bowl of fruit (not pictured). 

The Healthy One had not had yogurt since Iowa (5 days ago) and granola since Michigan (10 days ago).  When I saw "Strawberry yogurt granola parfait" on the menu I thought to myself that I would bet with anyone in the room my entire retirement savings that she would order the parfait. Pictured is the outcome.
 

I polled the table asking, on a five star basis, how many stars they would give their breakfast. I gave my eggs benedict 5 stars. Mr. Bruce said 5 stars. The Healthy One said 5 stars. Ms. Jane weighed in with 4 1/2 stars because the omelet was very good but her fruit didn't have much taste.

4.875 out of 5 stars

    

COFFEE: 

The coffee, poured into the depot's personalized cups, was satisfying. Maybe, now that we are out of the upper Midwest, we're finished with weak coffee. Mr. Bruce, who loves coffee said "it was good - not as good as mine."

3 1/2 out of 5 stars

SERVICE:  Right off the bat, our personable server Michael let it be known that his parents owned and operated the restaurant. I'm not sure whether this was to emphasize the fact that we were in a family run enterprise or that he was operating under a higher than normal accountability standard. In any event, he did his parents proud. His service was efficient, yet at the same time seemingly relaxed. He did a great job on a busy morning.

 5 out of 5 stars

.

A FEW WORDS ABOUT LEAVENWORTH:

Fort Leavenworth came before Leavenworth, having been established in 1827 by General Henry Leavenworth. The city of Leavenworth was founded in 1854, a few miles south of the fort. Naming the city Leavenworth involved an underhanded marketing ploy. A town founder thought that the sale of plots would be accelerated if outsiders reading the advertisements for property in Leavenworth would be confused, thinking the city was the military fort which was a desirable location. Fort Leavenworth was located outside the city limits until 1977 when the territory was annexed by the city.

Fort Leavenworth is the 3rd oldest continuously active military base in the U.S. and the oldest west of the Mississippi. The fort was located at the eastern terminus of the Santa Fe and Oregon trails. You can still clearly see the wagon ruts running from the bank of the Missouri up to the western bluff where the fort is located. The fort's original purpose was to protect settlers traveling west. After the civil war, it was more of an outfitting post for the army in the west. In 1866 the U.S. government authorized the formation of four African American regiments. The 10th Calvary, stationed at Fort Leavenworth under Colonel Benjamin Grierson, became known as the "Buffalo Soldiers".  A short and interesting myth-busting article about the "buffalo soldiers" can be found here: http://www.blackpast.org/perspectives/myth-buffalo-soldiers

In 1881, General William T. Sherman established an officer's school at Fort Leavenworth. Now called the U.S. Army Command and General Staff College, it has had many distinguished graduates including Dwight Eisenhower, Omar Bradley, and George Patton.

Leavenworth, the city, has a population of 36,150. It is located only 25 miles Northwest of Kansas City, Missouri on the western shore of the Missouri River. Its location on the river made it a destination for escaped African American slaves seeking freedom from the slave state of Missouri. Prior to the Civil War, the city had been strongly pro-slavery but the political tides shifted and the city supported the union during the Civil War. For a time after the Civil War ended, Leavenworth operated as a town out of the "Wild West". In the 1880s, there were some 200 saloons, or about one saloon for every 30 residents. Today, the number of watering holes is down to about 15.

Speaking of bars, Leavenworth has quite the captive population, with six prisons in or very close to the city. The most famous one is the United States Penitentiary, Leavenworth. Also known as "The Pen" or "The Big Top" because of the huge dome on top of the building, it is now a medium security federal prison with an all-male inmate population of 1,870. Famous inmates have included James Earl Ray and Michael Vick. There is also a privately run maximum security federal prison in town called the Leavenworth Detention Center. It answers to the U.S. Marshals Service and has an inmate capacity of 1,126. Just down the road from Leavenworth is the state prison, Lansing Correctional Facility, with an inmate population of about 2,400 and in town is the Leavenworth County Jail with 130 beds.

The U.S. military operates two prisons within Fort Leavenworth. The U.S. Disciplinary Barracks is the Department of Defense's only maximum security prison. It houses convicted members of the military who have sentences of 10 or more years. Also within the fort is the Midwest Joint Regional Correctional Facility which serves as a "holding" jail for those who are to be transferred to the Disciplinary Barracks and also as a correctional facility for inmates with a less than 10 years sentence.

With all  these prisons in Leavenworth, the city may be interested in obtaining this one I spotted in downtown Lancaster, PA. This McPrison could be used for incarcerating people who have been found guilty of petty crimes. Punishment would be having to eat McDonald's meals morning, noon, and night.

BURN THOSE BREAKFAST CALORIES OFF:

We went on a self-guided tour of Fort Leavenworth. With its 8,000 acres and 1,000 buildings, it had the feel of a  tree-lined, large university campus . After touring the fort, we headed to Kansas City, MO where we walked around Country Club Plaza on a beautiful warm afternoon. The Plaza consists of 18 separate buildings styled to make you think you're walking in Seville, Spain. The buildings are home to numerous restaurants, and high-end shops. Built in 1922, it was the first shopping center in the world designed to attract shoppers arriving by car.

October 15, 2017

NEXT UP: MISSOURI

#36 NEBRASKA - Got Out Of Dodge

There was one particular restaurant that I was really looking forward to visiting, probably more than any other stop on the Midwest leg. It had the nicely succinct name of Eat and is in Dodge, Nebraska (population 600). From what I read on the internet, the "executive chef" at Eat (not just "chef" or "cook"!) was trained at the New England Culinary Institute in Vermont, and spent most of his 20 year career cooking in Napa and Sonoma. Eat looked like it had interesting ambience, residing in what was originally a bank built in 1910. The menu I saw on-line had such intriguing dishes as buttermilk pancakes with toffee gravy and Black Angus corned beef hash. Reviews from the Omaha and Lincoln papers were effusive in their compliments. I was thinking I might even get a good cup of coffee.  

We wanted to get to Eat when it opened so we could beat the crowds. It seemed to be a great strategy because there was not one vehicle parked in front of the place when we arrived. We walked to the front door and were met with a sign: CLOSED TODAY FOR AN EVENT. I started to panic a little as I got on the Iphone to see if I could come up with an alternative. Of course, nothing else in Dodge existed. Fremont, the nearest town of any significant size was 35 miles away. Fremont had three possible breakfast establishments. I randomly picked one which was located just outside Fremont's central business district:   


Mel's Diner
Fremont, Nebraska

AMBIENCE:  Judging from the extremely crowded large parking lot, I thought Mel's held good potential. The outside with its neon lights and large sign screamed classic diner. The inside with its formica surfaces, front counter, and red vinyl booths seconded that notion.  Mel's looked like it was transplanted from Northern New Jersey. In fact, the building once sat in Omaha. It was purchased, taken apart, and reconstructed in Fremont, opening in October 2011. Initially, it was a 24 hour diner. It didn't take long for the owner to realize that the good citizens of Fremont don't party all night so the hours were cut back to 5:30 AM - 10 PM.

Mel's was jam-packed on this Saturday morning and we were told it would be about a ten minute wait for a table. As we stood in the vestibule next to a large glass enclosed cabinet filled with tempting pies, I took notice of a few things. First, compared to other states we had been, Nebraska men, in general, are large. As an example, I took this picture of the counter area.

The gentleman on the right is, no doubt, an extreme case but I would safely estimate that the average adult male in Mel's that morning was over 6 feet tall and weighed at least 215 pounds. I realize that I was observing a limited sample. As I was about to find out, the portions at Mel are mammoth. The food probably attracted big men and at the same time the food made men big.

It was game day in Nebraska with Ohio State coming to Lincoln for a Big 10 Conference football game.  About three-quarters of the customers and almost all of the staff were decked out in red with various logos proclaiming allegiance to the mighty Cornhuskers. Regrettably, later that day, the Cornhuskers were more meek than mighty, losing to the Buckeyes 56-14.

The other thing that I couldn't help but notice as we waited for a table was the Daily Specials board hanging in back of the cash register. Topping the list of specials was a Country Eggs Benedict. I had yet to have Eggs Benedict on our previous 35 breakfast stops and was waiting for the right opportunity to come along in which to give them a try. It seemed like it was as good as time as any with Mel's benedict selling for a very reasonable price.
 
 4 out of 5 stars 

FOOD:  I ordered the Country Eggs Benedict. About 30 seconds after the waitress had left it hit me. 

"Did the waitress just ask me how I wanted my eggs done?" I asked The Healthy One.
"Yes, and you told her over easy" replied The Healthy One. 
"But I thought Eggs Benedict are all about poached eggs", I said.
"That's true" said The Healthy One.
"Uh-oh".

This is what arrived at the table.

That certainly didn't look like Eggs Benedict. It looked more like a giant radioactive fungus. This was a Benedict Arnold; a traitor to the Hollandaise sauce nation.

Spanning the upper wall of the diner were famous short movie lines such as "There's no place like home." and "May the force be with you." Ironically, directly in front of our table, right above another large Nebraska man, the line read "Houston we have a problem."

I cut into this monstrosity.

There was white gravy, there was a biscuit, there were the eggs over easy, and to my consternation there was what I ate yesterday morning, chicken fried steak. Has anyone in their right mind eaten chicken fried steak with white gravy two days in a row? Well I have. I finished the whole damn thing and I found it to be delicious. This steak was really tender and the batter was tasty and not too obtrusive. The gravy had just enough pepper in it to make it interesting. The biscuit was soft, yeasty, and satisfying. And the eggs; I don't remember tasting the eggs as they must have been overwhelmed by the steak and gravy. Despite the surprise, I was very happy with the meal. I guess I'll save the traditional (urban not country) Eggs Benedict for another morning.
 

The Healthy One also ordered from The Specials board. She in fact got the "senior's special" which was called the "2 x 2 x 2": 2 eggs, 2 pieces of bacon, and 2 pancakes. She also ordered a glass of milk because she feared her dairy product intake the last few days was below a critical level.  She thought everything was very good, especially the bacon. That wasn't surprising since we were only 25 miles from Iowa and its population of 20 million pigs.  

  

4 1/2 out of 5 stars. 

COFFEE: 

I received one of those here's-a-thermos-of-coffee-so-I-don't-have-to-keep-coming-back-to-refill-your-cup container. Usually this is a red flag warning that the coffee is not going to be great.  I imagine they end up throwing quite a lot of it out. At least I hope they're throwing it out and not reheating the leftover.

Mel's coffee was surprisingly good. It was a notch above the typical Midwestern coffee we had been drinking.

.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars

SERVICE:  It seemed Mel's had enough staff to handle the busy Saturday morning breakfast crowd. Nevertheless, it was not like anyone was standing around checking their Facebook posts. Every staff person was scurrying around like squirrels gathering acorns in October. Our waitress, Meg was a friendly woman who gave me the feeling that she was no novice when it came to taking orders and serving food. Due to her many tables, Meg didn't spend much time at our table, but what time she did spend was certainly pleasant.

 4 1/2 out of 5 stars

.

A FEW WORDS ABOUT FREMONT:

Fremont is about 35 miles northwest of Omaha. It is the 5th largest city in Nebraska but only has a population of 26,500. Compare that to Fremont, California which is the 16th largest city in the state and has a population of 232,000.

Like most small cities in the Corn Belt, Fremont had a skyline of grain elevators. The main economic engines are agribusiness, food processing, fabricated metal processing and electronics manufacturing. Hormel is one of Fremont's biggest employer. As fate would have it, after having breakfast 4 days ago in Austin Minnesota, one of two cities where Hormel produces Spam, I was now in the other city that produces Spam. Ground was broken in June 2017 for a Costco chicken processing plant just outside Fremont. The plant will create 800 jobs and it is estimated that it will add $1.2 billion annually to the Nebraska economy. The plant will kill, er process 2 million chickens a week. Its more than likely that your Costco rotisserie chicken will soon come from Fremont.

Fremont recently has gained national notoriety for its local immigration policy.  In 2010 voters approved Ordinance 5165 that bans illegal immigrants from renting houses. The ordinance also requires businesses to use federal E-verify software to check on potential employees' residency status. After a number of studies found the economic harm that Ordinance 5165 would do to Fremont a repeal vote was held in 2014. Citizens voted not to repeal the Ordinance by a wider margin than the 2010 approval. Three or four other small cities around the United States also passed similar anti-immigration ordinances which have been struck down by the courts. Fremont's ordinance was the only one upheld by the court, but anti-immigrant advocates argue that it isn't being properly enforced.

BURN THOSE BREAKFAST CALORIES OFF:

We drove to Omaha, parked the car, and did some substantial walking. We covered most of the historic Old Market section of the city. The shops and restaurants were crowded with locals, tourists, and hundreds of people wearing Ohio State jackets, hats, and scarves. We then walked over to Pioneer Courage Park and its stunning, five city block, collection of sculptures depicting the city's pioneer spirit. The outdoor 40 foot pioneer sculptures comprise the largest bronze and stainless steel art exhibit in the United States. We also walked across the Missouri River (that's twice in two days we have traversed the river) to Iowa and back on the beautiful Bob Kerrey Pedestrian Bridge.

October 14, 2017

NEXT UP: KANSAS

#35 SOUTH DAKOTA - Stuffed

Joe's Cafe

Alexandria, South Dakota

Joe's is a stone's throw from Exit 344 of Interstate 90, the longest interstate highway in the United States. The cafe is attached to a Sinclair gas station. In the photo, the cafe is over to the right. I have fond childhood memories of Sinclair mainly because I was a big fan of "Dino"its brontosaurus logo. Sinclair gas stations exited the East many years ago so it was fun to see them in the Midwest.

I knew I wasn't going to be entering any foofoo cafe from the sign on the roof of the restaurant. Bud Light, a motorcycle, and a pheasant spoke volumes about the typical customer one might find in Joe's. We didn't match up with any of that but  nevertheless bravely approached the front door.

AMBIENCE: Upon entering the restaurant you find yourself in a narrow room that had three small tables strung across one side and three bar tables placed directly across a narrow aisle from the small tables. A few locals sat at the bar tables drinking coffee and wondering who the hell were these strangers. I spotted what appeared to be a large dimly lit dining room attached to what had now become apparent to me as the social center of Joe's. We headed to the dining room. All the tables were empty. We were the only ones in the room. Or were we? Many eyes were staring at us in the muted light. We were being observed by a number of steel-eyed and hushed local characters. All of them were dead.

Coming out of the wall, one after the other, on all four walls, was the prolific work of a local taxidermist.  I counted 14 male elk and deer, a fox (gender unknown), and a fish. The Healthy One let it be known that "this is sort of creepy".

Under the gaze of 32 glass eyes we chose a table. It is a little disconcerting to have a couple of large animals peering over your shoulder as you peruse the menu. I decided that instead of feeling ill at ease I would treat these South Dakota fauna as my breakfast companions. 

To my right was this guy who had had an unremarkable life but seemed content and was a good listener.

To my left was this fellow who was a bit on the rambunctious side and liked to talk politics.

I felt pleased with my new found friends as I began to decide what I would order for breakfast. The Healthy One wondered if South Dakota had any mental institutions.

Toward the end of our meal there was considerable noise coming from the room we first entered. It looked like all the seats were filled on each side of the aisle, the locals were sipping their Midwest coffee, and a rapid crossfire of conversation about farm machinery was taking place. 

The Healthy One had to visit the bathroom which was on the far side of the building. "Looks like your going to have to walk the gauntlet" I said. She left for the bathroom and I heard the cacophony of talk and laughter suddenly and completely turn off. And then it switched back on for 3 or 4 minutes. And then there was another dead silence and soon after The Healthy One appeared back in the room of dead animals. "That was uncomfortable" she said. Yes, we were strangers in a strange land.

 4 1/2 out of 5 stars for its unconventionality (at least to us).

FOOD:  I was now on my 35th state and I hadn't had chicken fried steak. The dish is closely associated with the state of Texas but I had opted for something else when we had our Texas breakfast.  This was a dish that should make any gastroenterologist shudder. My tolerance for fried food has been steadily going downhill since I turned 45. I had been avoiding fried food as much as possible so I could sleep at night without chugging anti-acid tablets. Still, I felt I needed to eat chicken fried steak once to broaden my culinary breakfast experience. This seemed as good a time as any to take the plunge. I looked for affirmation from my friends on the wall and they all seemed noncommittal but I decided to go for it anyways. 

Chicken fried steak contains no chicken. It is usually a cheaper cut of steak, like cube steak, that is battered and pan fried and then topped with gravy made from the pan drippings. It is so named because the cooking process is similar to how southern fried chicken is prepared. Chicken fried steak is not health food. The chicken fried steak served at Denny's has 940 calories and 56 grams of fat. The smaller chicken fried steak at Cracker Barrel has 600 calories and 45 grams of fat. I knew I was treading on dangerous health ground but that hadn't stopped me before. Just to totally pile on, the dish came with a couple of scrambled eggs, toast, and hash browns. 

The chicken fried steak was as good as you would expect something laden with calories and fat. I thought the batter to steak ratio was a little on the high side. The meat was a little tough but the gravy did an outstanding job of covering up the lesser quality of the steak.  The hash browns were awesome. Even though they covered almost half the plate, I could have eaten another portion. The eggs were eggs, nothing remarkable.
 

Joe's menu wasn't doing The Healthy One any favors. The best she could do was french toast. She declared her order as "pretty decent". 

  

4 out of 5 stars. 

COFFEE: 

It was Midwest coffee (see Ohio report).

2 out of 5 stars

SERVICE:  The woman who met us in the dining room was obviously not pleased we had arrived. She slapped down the menus on the table, asked if we wanted coffee, and left without saying another word.  The Healthy One leaned over and whispered to me that "we may have finally met a person in the Midwest who is actually grumpy". I didn't want to risk retribution by taking the woman's photo, but her demeanor looked like this:

I'm no Dr. Phil but I felt that I should address this situation head on. When she returned with our coffee I said, "You don't look very happy today".  That's all it took. For the next few minutes she unburdened herself of her woes. She was upset because she was working all by herself that morning; taking the orders, making the coffee, cooking the food, serving the food, and cleaning the dishes. Her husband (who may have been Joe) was off elk hunting for 7 days. This confession was catharsis. We also commiserated. From then on she was a different person; friendly and caring.

 4 out of 5 stars

.

A FEW WORDS ABOUT ALEXANDRIA:

Alexandria is very small with a population of 626. Its smallness is matched by its lack of diversity. According to the Census Bureau, the town is 98% white. Residents have to drive 15 miles for groceries or to see a doctor but the town does have a bank, post office and a couple of saloons. And yes it has a co-op grain elevator. This is pheasant hunting country and the local Granite Springs Lodge caters to the hunters. Perhaps the most interesting place in Alexandria is the Monastery of Our Mother of Mercy and its 14 or so Carmelite nuns. If you imagine that life in Alexandria could be a little boring, this convent magnifies the boredom outside its doors to an extreme degree. The nuns are not allowed to leave the premises. They have pretty much cut all ties with family and friends and live much of their life in silence.  They fast half the year, never eat meat and do other penances including sleeping on a slab of wood. To be fair, I suppose to the cloistered nuns, a life of prayer and devotion is not at all boring its just that I would rather be eating bacon.

BURN THOSE BREAKFAST CALORIES OFF:

After saying our goodbyes to the crew in Joe's dining room we headed down to Yankton SD which lies on the Missouri River. We walked across the river on the lower deck of the Meridian pedestrian bridge to Nebraska and returned to South Dakota on the upper deck. The half mile bridge is the longest pedestrian bridge in America connecting two states. We then took a long walk on the Auld-Brokaw trail. The 2.75 mile trail was named for Yankton's most famous couple, Tom Brokaw and his wife Meredith Auld Brokaw. The Brokaws contributed a substantial sum of money to the building of the trail. Finally, we walked 3 miles round trip from our hotel in West Point, Nebraska to our dinner restaurant. When we first entered our hotel room it felt really stuffy so we were delighted we could open the windows and air the place out. The breeze was so pleasant, we left the windows open when we left for dinner. Sometime during our time away the wind turned direction and our hotel was in the direct aromatic path of a nearby feed lot. This wind shift resulted in a wind shit in our room. For once, the Healthy One couldn't blame me for these odoriferous emanations. 

October 13, 2017

NEXT UP: NEBRASKA

#34 NORTH DAKOTA - Cutting Corners


We didn't spend much time in North Dakota, driving only a total of 37 miles on the state's highways. Not that I have any aversion to the Peace Garden State, but we were making the big turn in the tour route from the north to the south. By just dipping our tires in the very Southeast corner of North Dakota we could cross the state off the list and minimize our total miles. Sorry North Dakota for giving you such short shrift. I have driven round trip from Fargo to Bismarck a couple of times in the past and was amazed at the beauty of your state.

The big problem with cutting through the corner of the state was finding a decent place for breakfast. There weren't many possibilities. In fact, I could only identify one restaurant serving breakfast so that is where we ended up.

Hot Cakes Cafe and Lodging

Hankinson, North Dakota

AMBIENCE: Hot Cakes has been around since 2005.  A motel with 7 or 8 units is part of the same building hence the "lodging" part of the name. We pulled into the dirt lot in front of the cafe and parked among a fleet of very large pickup trucks. We left our little cowering Camry sedan and proceeded through the front door into a mid-sized room with tables and a counter. We had seen plenty of license plates hanging on the walls of bars, coffee shops, and country restaurants but this is the first place we ever saw license plates lining the counter. The counter was really the only place in the restaurant that shouted ostentatious. The rest of the room was simple, comfortable, and with only a few pheasant hunting related items on the walls.

We chose a table with a good view of the kitchen. The cafe was about a quarter full; all men dressed in various degrees of camouflage or denim. They all seemed pretty laid back with plenty of time on their hands. A grizzled old farmer seemed very amused that I was taking pictures of our food. We with our fleece jackets definitely stood out as strangers in town. 

 4 out of 5 stars 

FOOD:  For such a small town and such a small restaurant the menu was rich in its variety of choices. I couldn't help but notice a dished called The Peterson Omelet which was described as a 12 egg omelet with sausage, ham, and cheese and toast on the side. It was tempting, but I was trying to dial things back a little after yesterday's Spam experience. I settled on two blueberry hot cakes with sausage. I thought about it, but decided to spare the waitress my razor sharp wit by asking her "if they sold like hot cakes".  

The hot cakes were nothing spectacular but very good with an ample amount of tasty blueberries. I sure did wish they had pure maple syrup to pour over the handsome couple but our waitress was bluntly honest about the syrup being of grocery shelf quality. The pork sausage patties were terrific. They didn't taste as greasy as they looked and I gobbled that twosome in short order.

The Healthy One ordered the"Hot Cakes Special" which was actually one large hot cake with blueberries grilled inside and topped with two scrambled eggs. That's two mornings in a row with eggs! She thought it was a decent breakfast but I get the feeling she misses her granola and yogurt. Unfortunately for her, these small town cafes never have the healthy stuff on the menu, fearing I think, the locals would turn their noses up at such blasphemy.

  

4 out of 5 stars. 

COFFEE: 

It was Midwest coffee (see Ohio report). The good news was that the coffee was only a dollar with refills.

2 1/2 out of 5 stars

SERVICE:  We thought our waitress was wonderful. She said that it was only her third day on the job. What she lacked in experience she more than made up for with friendliness and enthusiasm.

 5 out of 5 stars

.

A FEW WORDS ABOUT HANKINSON:

Hankinson only has a population of 900  If you could stand the bitterly cold winters and the torrid summers, it might not be a bad place to live. For a town of only 900, it has a surprisingly number of services: a bank (and its corporate headquarters), a grocery store, a pharmacy, a bar/restaurant, a hardware store, a dental office, a health clinic, and a funeral home. Hankinson also has a good size lake for fishing and swimming. Citizens have their extracurricular fun, hosting an Oktoberfest, a Polka Fest, and a Fourth of July parade. There is also a high stakes casino as well as a Franciscan Sisters convent where the stakes are different but still high. And of course, there is a grain elevator like in most small towns we drove through in the Upper Midwest.

BURN THOSE BREAKFAST CALORIES OFF:

After breakfast we drove into South Dakota and took a long hike in Sica Hollow State Park. Sica is an oasis of elevation, trees, and streams in a vast ocean of corn fields that stretch to the horizon. Sica is a Dakota word meaning "evil", so called because of the iron-tinted water that looked like blood. Sica Hollow is said to be haunted. We walked along a path named the Trail of Spirits where supernatural forces have been reported. I did not experience anything supernatural but we did stumble upon an old overgrown graveyard where we did not linger.

October 12, 2017

NEXT UP: SOUTH DAKOTA